Gotta get her
by Diskyet
Summary: I loved her so much that I would die for her. I would never have hurt her on purpose. But my life has been messed up so now I have to get Caitlin back
1. Chapter 1

I want her so bad but after what I did to her how could I even dream that she would take me back. Sure I got counseling to control my anger, heck I even took the class twice, but I know that it doesn't mean anything to her. The scars I created on her perfect mind, probably her body too, are to deep for her to forgive. I always think about her though. Everyday it is almost like I can see her, in the hallways of the school and down on the beach here at Key West. I know she isn't here I don't need people to tell me that. I know that she is off following her dream of becoming an opera singer. I also know that I am still here at the same school, with the same good grades, same best friend and the same abusive father. No need to tell me that I will never get another date in this city for as long as I live because everyone knows what I did or am. But let me tell you that I am not going to be that guy everyone thinks I am and I'm gonna start with getting Caitlin back.

"Hey idiot where do you think your going?"

"Well Dad I thought that I might take a drive. But seeing as you won't remember any of this in the morning I was going to go out join up with some of the gang hunt down some skirts and then have unlimited sex with them."

I ducked as Dad's shot glass came flying through the air right at me. It wasn't the fact that I had told him I was going to do random girls, no that would have gotten me a slap on the back and the 'that's my boy' speech. Instead it was the reference to the 'he won't remember any of this because he is drunk off of his ass again' that got him. He didn't like my smart mouth and how mad I got when he was drunk. He had, however, learned a little bit about how to control his drunken rages ever since I had also learned my lesson. I took off, not caring about the broken glass that was on the floor or the alcohol that had spilled all over the place. I jumped into my car and took off for the gas station to the pay phone. As soon as I got there I looked around to see if anyone I knew was there watching me. I walked slowly over to the phone booth and put in the coins to dial the number.

//_Ring-Ring-Ring//_

"Hello, who is it?"

I recognized her voice right away. My kitty Kat.

"Oh god Nick please tell me this isn't you. I thought you were going to stop calling me."

"I'm sorry Caitlin I just needed to hear your voice."

"Is it your dad again?"

"No I just want to make my life right and you are the only thing that I haven't been able to fix or am able to fix."

"You're right about that. You can't fix what you did to me Nick."

"I know." I sighed deep to try to keep the tears in.

"Look Nick I have a knew life now and you aren't in it for a reason. Good bye."

"Wait Caitlin please don't hang up on me. I don't want you to see me this way anymore please give me a chance to show you that I have changed."

"I don't care if you changed into prince charming Nick, you have lost all of my trust and will never gaiin it back."

"Okay Kitty Kat, I'll leave you alone. Good bye."

I hung up the phone. I felt like someone had torn my heart out of my chest. How could she do this to me. Yes okay I had hit her a few times but I had fixed the problem. Why couldn't Caitlin see that? I left the car at the phone booth and just went walking. Down the dark cold alleyways and down the silent streets where people slept. I didn't want to see any of my friends, not that they would want to see me any way but still I could not face them in my current state. My friends were not the most compassionate people, crying to them is only a sign of weakness. They say that Caitlin controls me, I think that it is better if she controls me than if I do. They also tell me to suck it up and forget the chick. I try, really I do, to forget about her but I can't. Not if she can't forgive me because then I can't forgive myself.

I walk down on the beach where Caitlin and I saw the dolphins. I took my MP3 out of my pocket and turned it on to shuffle. I lay on the beach for a while and let the ocean breeze wash over me. Then I pulled something else out of my pocket. Something that would sooth me and ease the pain that I was feeling. A sharp peace of green glass from one of my Dad's beer bottles. I had sterilized it months ago when I discovered that there was a solution, temporary though it may be, to my problems. I pushed up my sleeves and started to look for the mark. Once found I took the glass in my hand and made a few quick slashes into my arm. The blood gushed forth and I groaned from the pain. Automatically I felt light headed, the pain and emotion that I had felt before slowly ran out like the blood that was running down my arm. This was my secret release. Not to anger but to the pain of rejection and hatred that I felt everyday since that day.

As I watch the blood running down my arm I remembered the day that I hit Caitlin. How silly it was to me now, to hit her for no real reason. We had been driving and I had gotten mad at her. I tried to swerve off of the bridge we were driving on, it scared her I could tell. She screamed and cryed for me to make it stop and for me to calm down. The yelling just egged me on. I sure as hell wasn't going to stop until I had established full control over her. It was at the moment that I thought I had won that she tried to grab the wheel from me. I looked at her and saw the terror in her eyes but I felt no remorse she had after all brought the punishment upon herself. So I hit her to make her relinquish the wheel. Even though I had hit her for selfish reasons I really had saved both of our lives. Had she kept a hold of the wheel she would have surely knocked us into on coming traffic or off of the bridge. Then neither of us would have to worry about who was controlling whom. When we were safe in the shoulder of the road I looked at her face. Her eye was already beginning to swell up and I could tell that she was going to have a shiner.

The blood stopped flowing and I was removed from my reveree. I pushed down my sleeve over the brand new cut so that when I went home Dad would not notice. (He definately did not need another reason to beat the shit out of me.) Still laying on the beach I heard a rock song on my MP3 that I absolutely loved and wanted to dedicate it to Caitlin. The song was _Time is running out _By Papa Roach. I especially liked the part in it that said:

_So when push comes to shove _

_And I slap you in the face _

_Just remember one thing...._

_When it comes time to fill the void_

_My whole life has been destroyed_

The message to me would tell her that because my Dad hit me, I hit her. The other thing that it would communicate to her is that hitting her or even being mean to her was like a temporary sickness and I have been cured. I lay for a second singing a long with the song and thinking about ways to get Caitlin back. Then I decided maybe I shouldn't try to get her back. Because that would be surrendering to desire and also reverting to the past. I decided right then and there to look for someone else and forget Caitlin. With that in my mind I jumped into my car and drove off to go back to my home.


	2. Chapter 2

Once home I found my dad passed out like normal on the floor. I decided to just leave him there, don't think that it is because I am mean. Its just, after I quite playing football I really have not had the muscle tone that I once had. So there is absolutely no way that I am going to waste all my energy that I had just to try and lift his lard ass off the carpet and onto the floor. Think what you will of my actions but you know I really don't care. He's one of the reasons that I lost, Caitlin I am not going to let him ruin my life any further. So I walk to my room, I probably have about two or three hours until he is conscious, then of course he will come in for the thousandth time to apologize. He will tell me that he is so sorry, he'll stop drinking, that he won't ever be in that condition ever again. Then I'll tell him that it's alright, I forgive him and that I have to go to sleep or two school depending on what time he wakes or on how long it takes for him to pass out to begin with.

I return to what I had originally plan on doing. First I will write the poem that I seein my minds eye. (Tomorrow I will hand it in to the newspaper class so that they can publish in the next issue.) I take out my journal that I started within my anger management classes. The judge had ordered me to write in the journal, I thought that doing so would be a sissy thing to do but after I had written for my set time I realized that it was good for me to do. It helped me get out all of my anger and my hurt. I haven't drunk or done anything else drastic as a release to my problems. The only thing is sometimes it isn't enough. Yet I stay with it, I try my best to do the right thing and not let everything hurt me so much. My journal entry today is actually very short. I don't have a lot to get off my chest, no anger that has not been fixed already. The only thing that I have to write is one sentence:

_ Forget Caitlin I am moving on. _

That was all, now when I open my journal I will have something that will remind me that I should forget forever about Caitlin. I lay down on my bed just to think but all I can think is that I miss the midnight phone sessions that Caitlin and I used to have and how much fun it all was.

_**A few hours later----**_

"Oh my gosh shut up you stupid alarm. What the hell am I still doing in my day clothes?" I say waking up pissed off. "Oh that's right I must have fallen asleep while thinking last night."

I start to get ready for school when I smell a familiar, though not to often smelled, smell. I knew that it was eggs, bacon and fresh orange juice but now my only question was who could possibly fixing that. Dad would be to hung over to even smell any type of food, let alone taste it. Who could he have possibly have hired to cook? After I was done dressing I venture out my of my bedroom and creep down the hallway. To what should my wandering eyes appear, but my dad with a cup of coffee and some chick cooking in the kitchen.

"Dad what's going on? Who's this?"

"Good morning Nicholas, or do you prefer Nick," She spoke when my dad chose to ignore me. "I am a very very good friend of your fathers from work and just came over to fix you two bachelors some breakfast."

"You don't have to play the company pal card, K. You could just say that you're my fathers booty call and thought that bribing me would be the best way to break the news."

"Boy who taught you to speak like that to women huh? Answer me!"

"Why you did of course sir."

"You and I need to have a bit of a talk boy."

I could tell that he was angry with me but I still don't care what he feels or thinks. The girl, a beautiful brunette that was skinny and looked only a few years older than me, seemed to be uncomfortable with the conversation between me and my dear old dad. He took me into the back room like I thought he would and preceded in giving me a "stern talking to." You know the type where the dad is super strict and tells the boy that he is gonna get whupped if he doesn't straighten up. Of course, the dad threatens the son even though he really doesn't mean it. Our conversation was more like this though:

BOOM!!!! CRASH!!!! BANG!!!!

"You little smart ass! Talkin back to me like that! Embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend like that! You wanna say something now? Huh? Speak smart ass! Do you wanna say something now?! Come on speak! I thought you always had the answer!!"

"I only have one thing to say, call the school because I can't go today." I left the room right after that and then took out my secret key and locked him in their. I had just gotten a copy of the key to that room not even a week ago that way if he locked me in their again I could get out or if he chose to beat me in their I could lock him in.

I walked into the kitchen with a cold rag applied to my eye and a bunch of bandages on my face to stop the bleeding. There were cuts on my forehead, my cheek and my lip was split wide open. The woman looked at me and then went back to plating all the food. She seemed sympathetic but not angry which tipped me off to the fact that she was not going to be my ally. I started to eat some of what she cooked (better make the best out of a bad situation.) She then proceeded in giving me some toast and some more orange juice. I looked up at her but her eyes never once met my face.

"What does it not bother you that I go with my dad and I'm fine but when I come back I look like this?"

"Nick you probably deserved what was coming to you. I can't disagree with you father so don't try to make him out to be the bad guy. Now finnish you food and I'll go get your dad from the room you locked him in."

"How did you know that I locked him in some room?"

"I did the same thing to my dad when he used to take me into a certain room to punish me."

"Figures, you were abused and that's why your with this asshole. My anger management counselor told me about people about you. The ones that like to be in abusive relationships because they were abused when they were younger. Well you got what you wanted, he is the worst person that I have ever met and therefore must be the most perfect person for you."

"Please just eat Nick."

I couldn't eat after seeing her do this to herself. I could not even stand to be in this house so I disappeared to the beach. The only place that I could think clearly and relax. Maybe I could meet a girl or two.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay so I went down to the beach like I said I was going to, since I of course could not go to school. Sadly, when I got there was the only time when I realized that all of the babes that would have been hanging down here are in school. Ya I kinda got lost in the idea that if I wasn't going to school that meant no one else would. I am not being narcassistic about myself its just that there are only two reasons that I don't go to school. 1) I got the shit beat out of me by my dad and I have to many bruises to hide from the officials or 2) the school is having a holiday, in which case I couldn't go to school even if I wanted to. So ya you can kind of see that I try to have perfect attendence, even though I know that I will fail at it I still try. So now I'm just lying down by my beach house and listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the rocky shore.

They sounded so harmonious, (I think that's the right word, sorry not a musically inclined person.) Then, there they were, like the day Caitlin and I came down here, the dolphins. To me they were once lovely, or maybe they still are, but there beauty has been tainted by the sadness that it brings on. But you know now that I think about it why should I feel this sad at all. I am still in high school and I have my whole life still ahead of me so what makes me think that she was the love of my life. Most people don't even marry their sweethearts in highschool and if they do a few years later they get a divorce. Actually, having a girlfriend or boyfriend is just another way to satisfy your sex life. Plus, the reason that teenagers even think of sex comes from the pressure from T.V, peers, and parents. Technically I am a victim of pressure, of circumstance brought on to me because I am a teen. I have officially decided that instead of looking for a new girl or trying to get Caitlin back I am going to beat the system and just remain dateless. Yep, that is exactly what I am going to do. How long it will last, only time can tell.

_**After a few hours---**_

*Yawn*

I opened my eyes slowly and noticed that it was dark outside. Not pitch black but close to it. Then I noticed that some hot chick was kneeling next to me. Her auburn hair fell over her perfect breasts that were barely being held up by her bikini. I started to freak out thinking how did I get here, why is she here and other things like that. Then I realized what must have happened.

"Oh shit I fell asleep. What time is it?"

"Oh well it's just about eight."

"What?! Who are you and what are you doing here?!!?

"My names Lisa. I found you just lying here rolling with the high tide. I was scared that you were going to get swept away, so I moved you."

"Well thanks a lot I guess. I'm sorry I'm being rude, my names Nick."

"Well nice to meet.....Oh my goodness what happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I didn't get that good a look at you since you were lying in the shadows. But now I can see why you were lying on the beach unconscious, you've been beaten up."

She looked kind of worried about me, which was sweet but she definately did not need to be. "No I got into a fight with someone a while back. I was just lying here to relax this morning and fell asleep. I guess I deserve it for pulling an all nighter."

"Well I'm glad you aren't hurt. I have to get back to my boyfriend now or he'll be a little worried."

"Ya okay thinks."

I watched her jog back with her long hair whipping from side to side against the small of her back. It was a beautiful sight, but it reminded me how fickle a teenagers heart can be. Maybe, with this realization, I will be able to forget Caitlin. Wiping the drool off my face, I tried to ring out my clothes to absolutely no avail and that's when I saw her. By the way have I ever mentioned that I have never had any type of luck in my life. I say this because on the beach a few yards away from where I had been sleeping was Caitlin. She hadn't seen me until I started to move. Now she was staring at me with her beautiful blue eyes. She looked shocked to see me and started to get up when I did. I could tell that she was looking for an escape route.

"Don't bother!" I call out to her, not angrily though, "I am leaving right now."

"What are you doing here Nick? You said you would stay away from me. Why do you keep doing this?"

I walk over to her so that I can speak without yelling. She starts to back away but I hold up a hand to say stop and she freezes right there in an instant. I know that having my hand raised has made her more apprehensive, but its not like I'm gonna deck her or anything. I'm just tired of having her fear me and run away, of never being able to explain to her or show her how much I have changed.

"Look kitty Kat you don't have to worry about me I have changed and will not bother you anymore. Oh and just for your information I was sleeping out here since around eight so no I was not stalking you."

"What happened to you Nick?"

I thought that she was asking rhetorically but then I noticed that the whole time she had been searching the bandages on my face. I just ran away at that point. She knows how my dad is why should she ask. As if she even cares! She doesn't give a damn about me so why should she ask. I have no clue where I am going to go when I jump in the car. Jump. Yes jump. That would be perfect. Stick it to them. Make them regret all that they have done to me. But who would care? Dad,no. Caitlin, no. Tom, probably not. So what would be the point. The end. Yes the end to my pain. No hope for me anyway. But would it solve the problem. No, definately not. Bad idea to begin with.

I knew then that the only way to really stick it to the people that get me down is to live out my life. They would be glad to see me dead and that is not what I want to do, give them a reason to be happy. So I drove back home. When I entered I heard the ice clinking in the glass but I wasn't going to run, he loves it when I run. I stand still in the door way hoping to god that he doesn't notice me. Then he turns to me.

"Hey son how's it goin?"

"It's just goin Dad."

"Were you with a girl again, you dog?"

"Ya we were partying at the beach."

"That's good. Real good."

This guy has gone off of his rocker. That was all that went through my mind is my Dad had officially lost it. And isn't that a sad thought? Here he's been beating me and drinking for years on end, he finally says something nice and all of a sudden he's certifiably insane. I really need to check on my judge of character here. I mean, I think I have just a few things backwards. Anyway it was getting late and though I had slept the day away on a beach I still felt drowzy so I went to bed. Waiting for morning and the new day.


End file.
